The power of choice and the problems of expectations
As leaders, the expectations we place on ourselves and others, especially at times of heightened stress and challenge, can lead to both powerful and harmful choices.
Often the weight of expectation is the actual thing that holds your people back in their conviction to perform. It’s less often about their capability and commitment.
I’ve just got back from a beautiful week away with my family.
Like a lot of people from Perth, we chose Margaret River. And like everyone else who planned to travel we had to wait to see if the holiday we expected would actually be able to happen due to lockdown restrictions. As soon as restrictions were lifted it was game on.
We packed our walking gear, expecting to hit the Cape to Cape track for at least three of our seven days away. We packed our mountain bikes expecting to hit the trails and SJ and I packed our swimming goggles expecting to sneak in a few laps of the pool before breakfast each day.
The stormy weather seemed to have different plans.
External pipes damaged by the storm drained the pool of water forcing it to close, consistent high winds made walking the exposed sections of the Cape to Cape track we had planned a bit too challenging to be safe and enjoyable.
Yet every storm cloud has a silver lining.
What we got to do, instead of spending time being busy doing lots of activities, was spend more time just being as a family.
Doing less allowed us to be more.
But there’s one thing the storms didn’t stop and that was my daughter Saffron’s infectious enthusiasm for her newly found passion of skateboarding.
The great thing about storms that come and go with high winds is that things (like skate parks) dry quickly.
So, whenever a weather window appeared she wanted to take advantage of that time, even if it was for only 10 minutes.
Saffron has just learnt to “drop in”, and is currently challenging herself to do bigger, higher, steeper drop in’s.
She knows she has the capability, but each time she goes bigger, higher, and steeper it gets increasingly scary and requires a new level of belief in herself.
Only she can make the choice to commit to the move.
There’s also another, less obvious, pressure for her to deal with in this situation.
That is expectation.
The question is not only what does she expect of herself at that moment, but also what do I expect of her?
The flip side of that equation is what do I expect of myself and what does she expect of me?
It’s really worth thinking about this, as the impact of expectations is huge.
If I were to put too much pressure on her to perform, because of my belief in her capability to execute the move, it will more than likely result in her not choosing to, even though she believes she can.
As leaders, the expectations we place on ourselves and others, especially at times of heightened stress and challenge, can lead to both powerful and harmful choices.
Often the weight of expectation is the actual thing that holds your people back in their conviction to perform. It’s less often about capability and commitment.
Whenever you’re looking to make changes, however big or small, to your life, leadership or performance make the decision to own your power of choice.
Giving that power away due to expectations that others have in you can lead to poor choices if you’re not ready to commit to the ‘drop in’.
That said, there’s another caution at play that needs to be mentioned.
The longer you spend at the top of the ramp staring down the drop, the harder it feels.
Make the choice to commit and take action quickly. You’ve got this.
I can’t, not be encouraging and supportive. It’s at the core of who I am.
But as a coach and mentor, I can’t expect you to make a move before you’re ready.
And neither should you expect that of others as a leader.
Create and hold the space for others to shine in their own time. Believe that they will make the powerful choice when they are ready.
They won’t let you down, and in doing so you won’t let them down or be letting yourself down by pushing too hard, too soon.
